Mercedes-Benz 2008 C-Class: 200 Pound Men On Doors
Mercedes asks us a series of questions. Well, I have a series of answers.
Why did we devote so many years to creating the new C-Class?
Well this is an easy one. It takes a long time to create a 2.1 terabyte digital toy that you can use to create misleading commercials with. But more on that later. It’s been 7 years since your last “model” of chassis the W203. In terms of a car update cycle this isn’t atypical at all. Most car manufacturers run 5-7 year product cycles and while this puts you on the conservative side, it’s nothing abnormal.
Why did we use high strength steel for over 70% of the body?
Before I answer that I’d like to ask you a question: what is it with car manufacturers and ball bearings? Seriously. They are just a little bit too much of a staple for me. Again you ask an obvious question. If you hadn’t used high strength steel you wouldn’t have been able to drop ball bearings on it without causing damage and thus would have been short one automotive commercial cliche. Besides a more solid chassis is a standard for creating a more stable overall suspension system. Next question captain!
Why did we engineer doors that can hold a 200 pound man?
I admit this time you have me stumped. Allow me instead to speculate. Perhaps you were tired of getting those annoying complaints from some of your loyal customers from the times they tried to “ghostride that whip” and ended up bending their door hinges. Maybe the answer is easier than that. You new that sometimes Tire Kingdoms like to lower their customers car doors onto toolboxes and that if at least the doors integrity could be preserved that they wouldn’t have as tough a time with a cheap repair shop when Ernest the repair man prevents you from getting their insurance to pay for it out of sympathy. But no, these are Mercedes-Benz owners. They wouldn’t be caught dead at the old TK. Nope, really just a new nifty improvement simply for the benefit of this commercials production.
* While they do say at the bottom “For Demonstration Purposes Only” I suggest that you offer to buy a new C-Class providing they let you sit on the door as in the commercial.
Why did we road test it the equivalent of 600 times around the world or 14 million miles?
Let’s try to figure this one out mathematically before I give you the spoiler. 14,000,000 miles at lets say 140MPH average speed on the Autobahn. 14,000,000 divided by 140 = 10,000 hours. 10,000 hours divided by 24 hours a day = 416 days. That’s 416 days of non-stop driving at 140mph. That’s just ridiculous. Obviously through building of fleet of say 100 cars this could be cut down, but the reality is that they did this testing on a virtual course before a prototype was ever even built. Still, that’s totally braggable. Instead of giving us big numbers, just tell us how high you ran a single one up and stop showing us a “dirty” car to show how far it’s driven. I mean, why not pump up this sophisticated virtual car technology a little bit?
Why did we wreck so many before we ever let you get behind the wheel?
I don’t know, because you are Mercedes and still rich on Nazi gold money? Sorry that was a low blow. The reality of this is also in the digital prototype. Again the prototype allowed for them to perform extensive crash testing before they ever built a physical model. I’m sure they crashed some real ones too, but don’t let their digital trickery fool you.
Why did we test the engine at redline for 30,000 miles and test the suspension for stability at 130mph?
Allow me to enlighten you about Mercedes-Benz drivers. They are extreme. By this I mean they either drive no faster than 40mph or no slower than 80mph regardless of speed limit. They cut you off. They merge without looking. And they do all of this never shifting, always in first gear, 8000+RPM. As for the suspension this goes along with the “aggressive driving” motto you are trying to pull off. In another “Why?” ad you even go as far as to say that the suspension is tuned for “aggressive driving and maneuvering”. Nice.
Why did we give the car brakes that could slow it from 80 to 0 in under 4 seconds?
Insert your * here as any car enthusiast surely knows that tires play a GIANT role in determining breaking distance. Stick with OEM to keep this claim. Again this is due to those two classes of drivers which I will now refer to as your young and old drivers. The older drivers don’t go very fast, but they need those fast brakes at any speed. They really don’t see too well anymore and need any advantage they can get. My feet in the parking lot thank you. The young drivers are maniacs and when they are out speeding around in drunken stupors the increased responsive will surely save lives. Very nice improvement though. Safety is the most important thing.
Why? Because we promised you a Mercedes-Benz, that’s why.
You self affirming bastards. Just for that, I won’t name my future daughter after you.
Benz is a really terrible name for a girl.
It really is, but how else do you let men know your daughter will be easy?
hahaha!
[…] remorse without having bought anything yet. I was thinking of getting G-35 until I saw the new Benz ad. The ad makes the C-Class seem very impressive. I was also looking at the Ford Shelby GT500 though […]
does anyone know the name of the song in the background of that commercial?
[…] That was 1971. It’s a measure of how much trust in their engineering Mercedes lost during the 1990s, that their new slogan is Because We Promised You A Mercedes Benz. […]
Mercedes Benz is amazing
Mercedes Benz is a status symbolin the world and BMW and AUDI are a symbols that you could not have afforded a Mercedes.
[…] I’ve decided to take my love of depreciating worthless commercials to a new level. From now on, I plan on having a “Best Worst” commercial post weekly, hopefully weekly. Anyway, this week’s winner is Mercedes-Benz for it’s 2008 C-Class commercial. The ad itself is a couple of months old, but after talking with a few co-workers it’s been decided. View the Ad here… […]
Went to see the C-Class Mercedes-Benz and I offered to buy one IF they let me sit on the door like in the commercial. As a big woman, lets say close to the 200 pound mark, the man looked at me weird and said as long as I pay for any damages. Well lets just say I spoke to his supervisor to see why the commercial said it was tested for it and no damage was done. ” Why did we engineer doors that can hold a 200 pound man?”…….He didnt let me do it…..Why put it in the commercial if they arent willing to let you try it out?!?!?!?!
PLEASE somebody find the name of the song in the background of this video. it would save my life.
C - CLASS
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the guy that wrote this probably applied for a loan to get a Mercedes and he didn’t qualify, now he is bitter at them.
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